I am admittedly a HUGE control freak. I think having Finn was God's way of showing me just how much I really need Him because there is nothing more unpredictable than a newborn.
If you know me, I'm pretty open about the fact that having our first baby was a bit rough for me at first. When I say a bit rough, I mean I was an emotional wreck. I am sure I looked like a wreck too, but I honestly don't remember most of the first two months and I avoided pictures like the plague, so thankfully there isn't much documentation of it. Having a baby brought me (metaphorically and literally) to my knees. I thought for sure this was the end of me, there was no way I was going to survive being a mom. If you're a new mom reading this and you're feeling downright defeated, rest assured, it gets better. Much, much better.
One area I found incredibly hard was the task of leaving the house. Trust me, I wanted nothing more than to leave, but the fear of forgetting something literally paralyzed me. I would find myself standing at the door, car fully packed with everything from the Boppy pillow to the Bumbo seat (which Finn couldn't even use at this point), and I still was not able to leave for fear that I forgot the one thing that would be critically important for Finn's survival during our 20 minute Target trip. I couldn't figure out why this was such a struggle until I realized that I had a pretty specific routine for leaving the house prior to Finn, which was now out the window. I have prepared a visual representation of how my brain worked on a typical morning before Finn:
It's no wonder I had difficulty adjusting… The "After Baby" image is my mom brain. It is scattered, unorganized, constantly worried, over-prepared and yet completely wonderful. Having so many things on my mind all the time is exhausting, but it's pretty cool to think that each and every day I wake up, God has trusted me to take care of a little human! A baby boy who is constantly smiling, even if he has poop all the way up his back, and who could care less if I brought his Bumbo seat to Target.
"Cast all your anxieties on Him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7