Me: What did you do today?
Me: What else?
Zac: (Blank stare)
I never could quite put my finger on why that response bothered me so much. Then, a few weeks ago, this beauty popped up in my Facebook feed and suddenly my own brain made sense to me. I felt almost relieved to show it to Zac and say, "This is why I can't fall asleep at night!"
On any given day my to-do list has at least a thousand things on it. The good part is that I am great at multi-tasking. On the other hand, I can't ever fully focus on anything. My brain seems to always have random thoughts flying through it at lightening speed and if I don't write it down, I will forget it. I have to keep a notepad on my nightstand because the thought will inevitably come back around midnight. I find myself almost jealous of Zac's ability to sit and play with Finn and give him 100% of his attention. Finn fights for my attention, even when I am sitting right next to him. Crazy how kids know when we are distracted.
Zac appreciates my ability to accomplish so much around the house on my days home with Finn. I appreciate his ability to be so attentive. We have an understanding that at the end of Zac's days at home, there will be some general clean-up to do. At the end of my days at home, I will need fifteen minutes to close out a few browser windows. Translation: I need to finish five of the thirty projects I started today.
Being a mom has meant I can't do anything straight through from start to finish. A to-do list that could have been completed in one day prior to kids will now take a full week. It has forced me to be still, which has brought so many unexpected blessings. I used to view downtime as missed opportunities, but just as our kids desire our full attention, so does God. If I am responding to emails, making dinner, mopping the floor, folding laundry and playing with Finn, he is not content and will keep begging for my attention. If I will take thirty minutes to just sit and play and do nothing else, his mood completely changes. Finn illustrates what I imagine God is thinking when I am reading my Bible, making coffee, emptying the dishwasher, packing lunches and whatever else I try to cram in before Finn wakes up in the morning...only it's not His mood that changes, it's mine. Just be still, I am right here and I will journey today with you.
"Be still, and know that I am God."